Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
