i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
