these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
