last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
