when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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