this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
