You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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