What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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