wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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