I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
