It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
