I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
