not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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