i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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