who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
