I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
