i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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