Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
