It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
