i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
