drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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