Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
