So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
