I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
