Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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