You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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