do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
