Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
