I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
