Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
