We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Randomize
