My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
