I cockslap morals
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
