I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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