Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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