you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
