im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
