TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
