I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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