This girl is more easily done than said...
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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