I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
