Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
