Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
