im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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