She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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