Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
