You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
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