5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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