It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
