Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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