Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
